Anniversaries are supposed to be happy occasions. Hallmark makes a fortune selling paper sentiments about how wonderful the day and how thankful one is for this or that. But not all anniversaries are joyful. November 22nd, the day JFK was shot and killed, 9/11, the death of a parent, sibling, spouse, partner or friend. There isn’t anything to celebrate there, but the day the love you’ve been looking for walks into your life should be one of the happiest anniversaries of all. However, when that “love” has ceased to exist, it is torturous when that day rolls around.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. On June 18, 2008, my life changed forever. I met that someone who made me happily dream and plan about the future. This relationship would be life altering, taking on responsibilities I never imagined, but I embraced them as part of the package. I was all in and kept those blinders on tight. Friends and family all warned me that this was going to be problematic. I defended my position. I fought for it. I did not waiver until one day, after all I had done to keep this relationship afloat she told me that she did not know how she felt anymore, if she felt anything at all. What? Did I really hear that? Did she really mean it? Yes folks, she did.
For the last 6 months I have asked myself why. There doesn’t seem to be any one real answer. Even though this relationship from the get- go was extraordinarily complicated, I believed and she professed to believe it would work out because love trumps all. Maybe in fairy tales and vampire movies, but not so in real life. I have come to the sad conclusion that some human beings, not all, fail miserably at relationships. Canadian geese, Mourning doves, Cardinals, to name a few, all mate for life, no matter how short their life span. Brains and hearts the size of a pea and they manage to stay together until death do they part. Humans, supposedly evolved, can’t seem to keep it together. Some no more than the life span of a bird. Two years or twenty, it doesn’t matter. It seems that what initially attracts us to one another ultimately repels us and finally (in most cases) separates us. In the beginning, being strong, assertive, and smart were positive traits. In the end, I was inexplicably deemed “erratic” (love that), unchangeable, and sometimes hard to deal with. I never claimed to be perfect and what you see is really what you get from me, but I think anyone might become slightly erratic when they discover that they have been emotionally duped. You find out how true the cliché “love is blind” is. Not a surprise that I might not want to hear from her anymore, or at least in the fore seeable future, but I was chastised for cutting off communication and not welcoming a friendship at this juncture.
So yesterday would have been our 6th anniversary. We would have been in our own home, me being a friend to her kids, planning vacations, saying good morning and waking up to a new day that would create memories (I'd hope for mostly good ones) and celebrating our life together. Instead, I woke up alone wishing a lifetime had passed me by, looking for a new home for me and ruminating over a whole host of decisions that no longer include her. I did receive an on-line note from her yesterday. It said “Six years. You thought I forgot. Have a good day”. I did not respond, but thought to myself, "She remembers when all I want to do is forget".
Yesterday was one of those days for me. On June 18, 2008, my life changed forever. I met that someone who made me happily dream and plan about the future. This relationship would be life altering, taking on responsibilities I never imagined, but I embraced them as part of the package. I was all in and kept those blinders on tight. Friends and family all warned me that this was going to be problematic. I defended my position. I fought for it. I did not waiver until one day, after all I had done to keep this relationship afloat she told me that she did not know how she felt anymore, if she felt anything at all. What? Did I really hear that? Did she really mean it? Yes folks, she did.
For the last 6 months I have asked myself why. There doesn’t seem to be any one real answer. Even though this relationship from the get- go was extraordinarily complicated, I believed and she professed to believe it would work out because love trumps all. Maybe in fairy tales and vampire movies, but not so in real life. I have come to the sad conclusion that some human beings, not all, fail miserably at relationships. Canadian geese, Mourning doves, Cardinals, to name a few, all mate for life, no matter how short their life span. Brains and hearts the size of a pea and they manage to stay together until death do they part. Humans, supposedly evolved, can’t seem to keep it together. Some no more than the life span of a bird. Two years or twenty, it doesn’t matter. It seems that what initially attracts us to one another ultimately repels us and finally (in most cases) separates us. In the beginning, being strong, assertive, and smart were positive traits. In the end, I was inexplicably deemed “erratic” (love that), unchangeable, and sometimes hard to deal with. I never claimed to be perfect and what you see is really what you get from me, but I think anyone might become slightly erratic when they discover that they have been emotionally duped. You find out how true the cliché “love is blind” is. Not a surprise that I might not want to hear from her anymore, or at least in the fore seeable future, but I was chastised for cutting off communication and not welcoming a friendship at this juncture.
So yesterday would have been our 6th anniversary. We would have been in our own home, me being a friend to her kids, planning vacations, saying good morning and waking up to a new day that would create memories (I'd hope for mostly good ones) and celebrating our life together. Instead, I woke up alone wishing a lifetime had passed me by, looking for a new home for me and ruminating over a whole host of decisions that no longer include her. I did receive an on-line note from her yesterday. It said “Six years. You thought I forgot. Have a good day”. I did not respond, but thought to myself, "She remembers when all I want to do is forget".